Rules of Life...for females

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair... and by then you're stuck with them.
3. Crying is blackmail.
4. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
5. Men believe that yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
7. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us and force us to lie for reasons of self protection.
8. If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
9. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
10. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. (It doesn't mean we don't love you anymore. We're hard-wired to ogle.)
11. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
13. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
14. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
15. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
16. (Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that; it's like camping.)